i dont know wat hurts more

-
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can’t stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so..
-

the only thing to get better is to stay away
really.
i just cant imagine when i have to bring myself together, pretending to be doing something i actually want.
its going to be like on alcohol,, you keep whatever thats hidden hidden, yet show some sign of it being hidden.
i din survived.like i promised.
its still plain tormenting.
have it reach the climax? if yes, i just hope that everything will be over really soon.
it had been a year
god damm it
i could have forgive but 'irritant' has prove to be just a normal one
nothing special
maybe it was not even once.not even a bit.

sonata in C
the many movements.from the simple,normal 1st to the variations.exciting,sweet, the teasing, the fun then the wrong moves.
it changed to minor.melancholy.silent torture.the doubts
and then it was back to the original, just something diff that can never be changed.searching for resemblance.trying to get back to the beginnning, at the same time,making sure no more wrong moves.
it stayed that way ever since

i shouldn care seriously.why should i ??